I Should Have Been Aborted.

I was told as a young child by my mother that she almost aborted me, twice. That she was in the room, got into the gown and then she just couldn't do it so she left. I was also told a handful of times, "I should have just aborted you when I had the chance!" It came up somehow when I was talking to my dad a few months ago about how I was almost aborted. I told him how Mom said it went down and he corrected her version of the story. He said that it did not happen twice that he is aware of, but, that when she went into the room and the doctor examined her that he said she was too far along and COULDN'T. So, I guess technically she didn't lie to me. It's always things like that. Twisting wording so that you can never prove you were lied to. It's all about the tone of voice or creative wording. That was when my Dad said"It must have been hard knowing you were not wanted or loved by your parents." I have never been more comforted by someone's words. It meant so much to be validated by someone who was there and realizes what I have gone through. He did terrible things. But, he has changed . I usually don't believe people can change, but, my Dad is not the person he was. Some parts are. The parts I loved, though. And he is very honest about how things happened. Things you would think he would try to deny or try to explain his way out of. Nope. He has never done that. He has a very impersonal way of trying to be there, It is part of his personality. He states things as facts. He has studied psychology and self help to no end, and yet, no book will ever teach you how to feel. I feel like part of my dad is just not able to emotionally connect with people. But, at least he recognizes the value of honesty. Sometimes the fact that he has validated memories I have always had and been told were just dreams are REAL and took place and can put names to faces and memories....it sometimes feels as if that is the one solid thing that has kept me from losing my sanity at times.